A Squirrely Deal

That fool, Shane, has ruined my plans, once again. It took me weeks to lure Rocco and Big Mike to the patio, to teach them the ancient and honored art of semaphore, and convince them to send messages to the neighborhood thugs on my behalf. One doesn't simply infiltrate a gang like theirs overnight. And, just when they were ready to bring me a message from Mr. Cheeks - the head of the family - Shane decides he loves squirrels. Can't get enough squirrels. Wants to watch squirrels 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Idiot.

There was Rocco, right on the other side of the patio glass, and all I could do was stare at him stuffing his face with sunflower seeds. We didn't dare pass a message, even if had been only Shane looking on. But it wasn't.

The worst part is that the humans can't resist how "cute" it is that Shane stares mindlessly at the squirrels all day, so they have started hanging around the patio door too. Guess I'll have to say goodbye to Rocco and Big Mike. That's ok. I must admit - it was hurting my pride just a little bit to be allying myself with a species that I used to eat. I'm better than that.

Maybe I'll try out the rival raccoon gang next. They're even harder to get into, but at least they'd come at night, when Shane and the humans are asleep. Plus, I've heard they're smarter, sneakier, and cost less to bribe. (Garbage is so much cheaper than sunflower seeds, you know.)