Master of My (Small) Domain

Greetings, lowly humans. I am Nimrod Friskies Farrier II - a ridiculous moniker given to me by the human I rule when she and I were both very young. I suppose there is some level of appropriateness in it, however, since I am told Nimrod means, "Mighty Hunter." It is better that she thought of a name to call me then, than now. Having become something of a Trekkie in the past several years, I fear that I would today be stuck with the even-more-ridiculous moniker of Spock, or some other such foolishness. Humans...

At our previous residence, I had acres and acres of land to roam. There were literally hundreds of small creatures - voles, moles, gophers, snakes, mice, birds, rabbits - who cowered before me. It was a veritable smorgasbord. These days, because of the irritatingly-fast reflexes of the people in this house, I am consigned to remain a prisoner within its walls. I have attempted escape many times, only to be caught and forcibly returned to this carpeted clink. Life is rough. I have had to subsist exclusively on dry kitty food and whatever I can scavenge off the table and counter. It isn't nearly as good as an all-the-critters-you-can-eat buffet, but it will have to do until I can find a way to escape.

These days I keep myself in top condition by chasing feathered toys, planning sneak attacks on the other felines in residence, and taking plenty of naps. The regimen must be working. I have noticed a significant amount of added bulk since we arrived at this place in April. I contend that it is all muscle, though I have heard a few comments from the people about my, 'chubbiness.' The better to crush you with, silly humans. The better to crush you with...

More later. I just heard one of my fellow prisoners - the one they call Shane - heading downstairs. That either means that the food bowl has just been refilled, or the litter boxes have just been cleaned. Either way, I cannot let an oaf like him have first rights. I may not have as much area to roam as I used to, but I am still ruler over the entirety of this house, even if I am here against my will.

- Nim