Shhhh....

'K, so I'm gonna need you guys to, like, keep a secret for me. This is hard for me to admit, but I am not who my people think I am. The littlest one, she kinda adopted me one day a couple of years ago. I had a shady past that I was running from. I don't want to go into details, but let's just say I was more than simply your average, scruffy, adolescent stray. I've done some stuff I'm not proud of.

Anyway, since then I've been really grateful to my people. They have given me a warm home, lots of places to nap, and a food bowl that is never empty. Seriously. Never. It's like a miracle, or something. But, I just keep thinkin' that they're going to find out somehow about my, um, past. It's sorta become an obsession, I guess you can say. I had a dream once (during one of my naps. Did I mention that I really like naps?) that they got a piece of paper in the mail that told 'em all the bad things I'd done. Ever since then, I have made it my mission to destroy every scrap of paper that I come across. Well, my mission really has more to do with eating and sleeping most of the time. But, whenever I remember, I rip up paper. I know it's not the nicest thing to do to these kind people who have given me so much, but I can't help myself.

Sometimes I think that Nimrod knows, somehow. I mean, he was kind of a big deal in the neighborhood we came from. So, maybe he heard something from the barn cats down the road. It's nothing I can put my paw on, but there are times when he looks at me that I just know he knows that I know that he knows that I... Wait. What was I saying? Oh yeah - Nimrod. Anyway. The stress gets to a guy, you know?

Usually I can sleep it off, or take an extra trip to the food bowl in order to cope. Sometimes I have even turned to catnip. (I'm not proud of it, but all the cats around here do it. Even the old guy. Don't let them tell you otherwise.) It doesn't really help, though. That's usually when I end up destroying another piece of paper. Then I feel so bad about it that I've got to take a nap, and hit the food bowl again. <sigh> It's a vicious cycle, I tell you. A vicious, nutritious, delicious cycle. Mmmmm......

What was I saying? Oh well. Doesn't matter. I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'm gonna go grab a quick bite to eat, see if the newspaper has come yet (that's tasty paper, there!), and then grab some Zzz's. My secret is safe with you, though, right?

- Shane